My girlfriend and I are planning on getting married sometime next year. She is what is typically termed a Pagan and I consider myself a fledgling Taoist, and one of the first things she said attracted her to me (besides my winning personality and good looks) was my acceptance of her religious beliefs. Since we both accept the others' religions openly we wanted to have a wedding that incorporated elements of both religions. Everything I've seen and read so far has said that there are no standard marriage ceremonies for Taoism, but I thought perhaps some of you might have experiences that can be posted so that I would be able to get an idea of what sort of ceremonies people tend to have.

Any suggestions would be appreciated.

For starters, : You could both write down vows that reflect our promise according to what you both can possibly accomplish in a relationship together, as partners working together in light of the highest good for you both and others. After you have prepared that, during the ceremony...
... you both light up 3 sticks of incense, you 3 and her 3. You both bow with them 3 times, in each directions, to the 10 directions. Put them in the ground in front of where you are both either kneeling, or standing. After, recite your vows to each other. Then bow 3 times to eachother, and if you have a gong with you, which would be a good ceremonial tool, bang it 3 times; you both hold the stick and bang it together. Then you are married.

Adding flowers, lighting other incense around you for the ambiance of the environment.. haha all if it is fine.

Peace,
Lin

I believe Wiccans do handfasting, which is good for like 7 years or something...

But, has marriage gotten outdated now? Marriage has gone way down with rising independence, divorce and simple cohabitation. So, I'm not sure what the real benefits are anymore? Are there real concrete reasons why you really want to get married...or are you simply blindly following tradition?

It's lovely that marriage isn't required anymore, but the people I know who aren't married but have kids and homes etc together seem just as married as others do.

If one is inspired to do it, then go for it, it's a great thing.

Mrs Yoda and I did a Friends/Quaker ceremony (which is also legal in PA). No officiator, everyone participates like in a normal Quaker meeting... everyone sits down bride and groom facing everyone, have a few readings/ceremonies if desired, then meditate and people can stand up and say whatever they like and then whenever the bride feels like it's all done you ask to close with a few minutes of meditation. The pluses is that it's really heartwarming stuff that gets said and starts off the marriage on the right foot. The negatives are that it's a bit too progressive for the older generation and you'll always have some crazy shit that gets said too. I loved even the crazy stuff and Mrs Yoda was happy with it (overall). Of course the crazy stuff was on my side of the aisle!!

I'd imagine the concept could be added to whatever ceremonies you choose.

Thanks all for the contributions.

We're not doing anything traditional. The ceremony is going to have less than 10 people total as guests, few of whom will be family. There will be a reception, but that's going to be a very informal affair. The ceremony is important to both her and I as a symbol of the crossing of our lives into one-another.

At first I was in the seat of asking myself how necessary it truly was to have a wedding/marriage, but once she said that it would not be in a church and could be put together any way we wanted to put it together I got excited by the idea of having our own ceremony to mark the merging of our paths.

-LDiR

Friends who thought a video camera was too intrusive made an audio tape of their wedding. Later on they used it in a slide show DVD. The words and emotions caught on tape capture the moment very well.

Its late and you got me thinking about marriage.

Misc. Marriage thoughts.


Why marry? Why marry that person?

Maybe we marry because we know the risks. There are the big 4 annoyances (Children, Money, Sexual Differences, Inlaws) and 1000 little annoyances (toilet seat up, socks on floor, tooth paste not rolled up, coffee too light etc.)that must be faced.

By marrying we're saying you're worth fighting for, worth risking for, worth going through the 1004 annoyances for. Making a promise before community and friends. A promise of the heart and soul, lawyer and government. One that'll be pretty damn hard to get out of.

It's saying when my blazing love becomes a dark ember. I won't walk away. I'll hold your hand, blow gently and rekindle the flame..over and over. Lonely searching stops and life long discovery begins.



M

That's so beautiful, it made me cry. That's a good thing

Nothing to add LDiR except my congratulations and best wishes for the future for the 2 of you.

Nice thoughts Michael. Thanks for sharing.

But realistically, is that a lifelong promise or guarantee that any of us can honestly make?

Is it like promising your best friend in little school that you will always be best friends? When in reality, circumstances and people change over time. Hence...we don't also have legal ceremonies for "best friends."

It also seems that if you truly had undying faith in your commitment, you wouldn't need marriage to "prove it" or "back it up." Your "love" alone is all you would need.

I guess I'm just wary about making big promises I have no idea if I can keep or not. Especially when they are also contingent upon another person and THEIR ability to do the same. And when you're talking about life 40 years down the road, how can anyone make any promises or guarantees about that? And if things do change and someone does break the vows, a marriage isn't going to stop the break-up, anyways. It's just going to get in the way of the natural course of events and let lawyers profit from it.

I mean, Nature is always going to take its own course regardless, anyways, right? And would you really want someone sticking with you only because of marriage stipulations (not "love")?

I understand how we all want assurances in life...but isn't the truth that there are simply no guarantees in life other than death and taxes?

My goodness!

I thought being centered was all about being on an even-keel and enjoying life, what's all this cynicism about humanity and the ability to commit to another human being?

Her and I feel the same way about marriage, it's not a commitment to stay together even when you no longer love one-another, it's a commitment to love one-another until you both die. We've had the discussion that unless abuse or adultery comes into play there will be no divorce, just widowing.

It's the difference between wishing and making a decision with your heart, and wishing with your heart, but making the decision with your head. My heart says I love her, her heart says she loves me, and both of our heads say that we can put our backs to one-another in this fight and be assured that our backs are protected from harm.

If others don't feel that the ceremony is important, hey, do whatever you like, but I enjoy the fact that I'll have someone so close to me in the law's eyes that they will abide by my wishes in any situation that may come up (death bed stuff, etc.). You can quote instances where the spouse didn't abide by the injured person's wishes all you want, I know for a fact that those instances are a lot more rare than the media would like us to believe (and usually stem from the fact that the two never shared their desires with one-another).

This was all over the place, but I went where my path was taking me, just as I am with the act of marriage.

-LDiR

Michael was not being cynical - he was speaking from experience. A marriage is work - it is love in action. When you think something is important, you make a commitment to it - whether it is cultivation or a relationship.



Well put - but be prepared to back up those words with action.



As you should. Good Luck to both of you.

If Taoist, then, depending on your practice, you are most likely "pagan" as well.

If you want the legal status, go to the courthouse some other time and do a civil ceremony alone.

Then, you don't need anyone else's ritual or ceremony...

Decide what you will promise to one another.

Choose a place to gather with those people who are important to you.

Make your promises. These are what is important. It's about you and your bride and the people that love you acknowledging a union.

Dress it up with music, flowers, clothing, good food and drink, or whatever you and your bride think is appropriate.

Bless you both,