Ever since getting into meditations and all of this, I've been sort of growing apart from some of the past things that I used to enjoy. I do not enjoy watching movies or playing video games, going to parties, socializing, romanticising or anything anymore. I also don't enjoy my life anymore either - as it appears my increasing spiritual awareness has in a sense made me into a deadbeat. Is this normal to become so bored with life, or at least what seems like the frivolities of life? Even if I rejected spiritual practice, I could never go back to my old standard way of living...and I only meditate ONCE a day.

I think it may be because I don't jerk off anymore, not like I even have an urge to anymore either. Depressing.

I'm guessing you're a "noob?"

If so, there's often an initial honeymoon period on your path with pyrotechnics and ecstatic fanfare to get you hooked and give you some motivational faith. After this passes, you may fall into a "lull" of working out your deep personality issues and integrating back into the mundane world.

Sprituality isn't escapism, it's an expansion. You will always keep a foot in this world, while you're still here.

As far as shedding pop junk culture though - yea, that you probably won't return to. Why would you?

When the snake sheds skin
The old one is left behind
Considered no more

That'd be a pretty common experience, actually. You've just bored with the ways our society encourages us to distract ourselves from what's real - meditation just woke you up to that. And I'm excited for you. Infinite possibility awaits in these "pauses".

See if you can head out to your favorite nature trail, climb the mountain, or something out away from people, and go sit on a big rock. And think. And then not think. And feel... feel the breeze. Feel the sun on your face, the mist or the rain, the rock under my butt, the mosquito as its drawing blood, the water sloshing in your mouth and down your throat as you take a drink. Feel what's real.

Eventually, you'll be able to follow those feelings inside, and find something that you're passionate about again. Something that adds to your life, and the lives of those around you.

You'll eventually find you can go out on dates, watch movies and masturbate again (not necessarily concurrently! ) But it'll be because you're engaged in life again.. you're not using it to distract yourself from something deep and important coming from inside you.

I had a similar experience. One of the things I let go of and have never gotten back to enjoying much is alcohol. The more the mind clears, the more sensitive it is to intoxicants. The more clearly you see, the less enjoyable it is to muddy that with drugs. What I found was a long and intense period of seriousness with the search. Eventually, however, the search is seen for what it is and drops away and a renewed love for and zest for life and all it has to offer will replace it. The difference is that the new perspective will show you much deeper cause for love and celebration of what is available here in this life. Anyway - it could happen that way or it could turn out totally different. I'd suggest that you let it run its course. There's plenty of time for movies, socializing, and masturbation, .... and cultivation for that matter. Do what feels right.

Opening and Closing can be paralleled with grounding/anchoring and reintegration of transformative experience. Afte ryou have something happen go clean your house or work in your yard. Something that brings your attention back to the material world at least so far as the material world is connected to the supra physical. So clean out the corners. If the room feels messy it probably is. If it's empty and feels that way clean it another way. Break free of the meloncolic net. Seek the magical in every moment.

ha, nomad. I do understand what you are saying.

But no, I dont feel boring. I do feel very clean in my energy and very uninhibited. I talk to whoever I want,dont talk to people I dont feel drawn to, say what I want, dont talk what I dont want to, and probably seem eccentric and arrogant and 'keeping myself to myself' and 'a lone wolf'. Ho hum

I am truly glad, however, that I came to all this after my years as a student and years of nightclubbing and unmogonomous behaviour, sleeping with the prettiest people and being steeped in 'fun' and 'groove'.

I would have hated to have missed all that. It was soooo fun.

But right now I like outspoken people who have a sharp wit and a surreal sense of humour, and I love conversation that is free flowing and not bound by convention. I enjoy colour and sound, and dancing, and making interesting food.

I do like even the pulpiest movies, but partly as an anthropologist or to compare how it is now, to how it was then, because I'm fascinated by humanity.

And I find them funny.

And yes, there are sadly a lot of people that I cannot get motivated to see, and I feel that I have nothing to offer to those who want to meet up to exchange information about what you have been DOING, and are planning to DO.
Because when you explain you are more into BEING, then that is just too much of a stumper, and I dont like doing that to people.

It IS weird, all the changes we go through.

Feeling boring/bored is hopefully just an adjustment phase, and once you are more adjusted into the newer you, pleasure and fun of new kinds will unveil themselves.

stay there. don't bother see yourself as more spiritual. it is maybe just some period af abstinence? you are doing very well imho. stay alert, and I agree in getting your practical daily life in order. what is your daily routine btw?

I know how you feel. It also happens to me like many others. It is a very difficult stage and it takes a very long time to fully overcome.

You should read this info about the dark night of the soul:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dark_Night_of_the_Soul

http://www.greatwesternvehicle.org/jhana&a...hamaviharas.htm


Listen to this:

http://www.greatwesternvehicle.org/dhammat.../05-26-06.1.mp4



Good luck!!








I also recommend you reading the content linked because you obviously haven't transformed yourself to achieve this difficult stage.

Like many here, I have been where you are. Come to think of it I am still there.

Losing the desire for all those things you once greatly enjoyed. Sex for the sake of sexual gratification became hollow when it used to be fun. Getting wasted for the sake of forgetting the need to control is no longer fun. Socialising in the vast majority of cases is meaningless and fruitless. Loneliness is the only place where there is some comfort - for me anyway - thanks to the silence and peace.

Now the only enjoyment there is seems to be the multitude of experiences I witness during my cultivation. And these too, I know to be just as hollow, no matter how profound they seem at the time.

I have gained glimpses of wisdom on the nature of love, karma, happiness, relativity, and many other things. But knowledge and understanding of such bring me no joy. Why? Because I do not live the life I am. I am not congruent with myself, I am not aligned with my higher being.

I see the problem, I see the escape hatch.... yet there is no motivation. I simply practice in the hope that one day I may fall through that hatch accidentally. Stuck between the old and the new. Like a miner in a cave, I keep digging. So much pain, hurt and sorrow.

A very dark night indeed.

From No Angel or Demon by Witchcraft:

The love that I'm leading
Was leading me down
But now I am leaving
Leaving me behind
I'm leaving you out now
I'm leaving you down
Now I am losing
Yeah, I'm losing ground
Oh no

Yours humbly,
James

Yes, fantastic advice. The dark night of the soul is essential to understand. And there wont be just one of them either! Some last a long while, others are more fleeting.

And what happens is you learn to watch them come and go, like waves in the sea.

Is that boring? To not be pulled about like a puppet anymore by unconscious knee jerk responses?

I do have friends who are obviously disapointed that I dont want to go out and drink and party and all that hooha, really.

I have even been the recipient of backhanders from resentful pals about 'escapism' .... practise can seem that way to those utterly caught up in the web.

But I am not disapointed, myself, that I have shifted into a different gear. Even though it is a very alone place to be.

Because the 'fun' now is so very different, and unexpected. I go to sleep smiling, and it is a smile that comes from the energy inside me that is happy to claim me now that the lights are off, so that we can be alone. It's a long long smile that doesnt make my face ache and comes from a deep place.

So it is nourishing.

I feel absolutely liberated from not being so sexually driven anymore. Aiiee, what a puppetmaster is sex!

.broken., you are a beautiful person. I am writing in this optimistic mode today, and my practise is getting very rewarding now, and yet in my practise a few months ago, pain and aloness were uppermost in me. My guess is that it will come round again.

Mining is the right image, we are like sedimentary rock!

Feeling bored and boring is just one more layer.

Thank you for the uplifting comment cat And thank you, durkhrod chogori, for providing those insightful links - although they were not intended for myself.

You see, the problem is, I am at a stage in my cultivation where I am burning through much karmic debt. I know this to be true. You call me beautiful, yet all is see is that I am rotten to the core. I am not who I thought I was.

I continue my practice, but there is a deep sadness inside. I've been lying to myself all these years - too blind to notice.

More lyrics from Witchcraft:

Guilty by all means
how to survive
this day means so much
I've payed my debts to you

sleep in fusion file
awaken by guilt again
bear my innocence
wake my innocence

it's just a spectre
an interlude of confusion
don't let it scare you so
be it thoughts of amusement
the light counters dark as it reaches its peak
blend and balance the bold takes it all

the threshold's been diminished
your ideals are gone
the struggle almost over
you've found your pot of gold

learning to pray upon these false indications
clinging to this nothingness might do you good

solve this riddle
the answer lies within
tantoblin knows where the hierogram is

Yours, in gratitude,
James

.broken.

I wish I could show you my personal practise thread at Kunlun forum. I have been writing about crying in great pain at the feeling of my 'wrongness' my 'inadequacy' whatever you want to call it, ways I have failed in the past, failed in heart and wisdom. It is what they call the purification, which feels like demons ripping at your psyche and hurting you with a vision of your failings, but it is actually angels purifying you in readiness for heaven.

I sat and dissolved and dissolved when I watched this a few months ago. I like this guy. I'd like to know if what he says speaks to you at all, if you have time to watch it. btw.. I'm very celebratory foir you that you are burning off karma.. truly fantastic. I am so grateful for the chance to really effectively release, though it is like having chunks of oneself fall off with a thud..



Apologies for going (possibly) off topic..


OK, bear with me now, I really am on a Youtube roll today

This is for everyone who needs it, and for .broken.
TURN DEVOTION TO YOUR BEING


This teacher has taught me a lot, all free, courtesy of beloved utube!

Everybody else has said it pretty well

I for one am part of the "young crowd", and I guess yeah, sleeping around and drinking and partying looks kinda fun but you know... I don't know, when you cultivate, you start to see what will help you and what will not. Gaining experience and doing lots of things will help you, but forgetting who you are and possibly getting into some major trouble will not. It depends on who you are and what the situations around you are, it's not the same for everyone. For me, from what I have seen and what I have experienced thus far, the reward is not worth the cost. But again, for others it might be.

But what cat said applies to me: I feel clean energy and I feel uninhibited, but in a good way. I'm not getting wasted or anything, but that doesn't mean I quit socializing Socializing has actually gotten quite easier. There are a lot of boundaries and barriers that people set for themselves, be it in work or, in this realm of discussion, socializing. They think things like, "oh no, I couldn't possibly talk to that person..." or "oh no, I couldn't possibly go there with that person..." but you know... there's no barrier. When you let go of things like that and start seeing it for what it is, you can just act.

Other people may think you are becoming bold, more outgoing, or maybe even eccentric as you are breaking "social norms" but who cares?

One really funny story from my high school days was I went to class, it was the first class of the day and quite early, and everyone was standing outside the classroom in the hallway because the door was closed. I asked, "is the teacher not here yet?"

And they were like, "well the door's closed so I guess we can't go in."

The teacher (who showed up right behind me) went and opened the door and was like, "it's not locked guys... wait, have you all been standing out here thinking it was locked!?"

So the moral of the story is check to make sure doors are locked, and that goes with anything. And that's what I've found with cultivation: you realize that there aren't a lot of locked doors in the world, and for the doors that are locked, you already have the key. Other people are left standing in the hall, but you get in the room first to grab the best seat! (in high school it would be the desk that wasn't squeaky!)

I don't think he's going through a "Dark Night of the Soul" right now, just rebaselining himself after experiencing a higher benchmark.

I believe Dark Nights are usually a far more intense soul-searching, where he feels like God has abandoned him. Like Jesus on the cross when he shouted, "Father, Father, why hast thou forsaken me?"

Perhaps it may surprise you to learn that extreme indulgence in those things will lead to the same disinterest? For some, the path to transcendence involves that kind of rampant hedonism - as simply another method of burning away its binding desires.

At a certain point you will lose the momentum that the "external" world has initiated in you, and it is at this point you may become lost. As you go counter-current to society and its interests, eventually that previous momentum no longer provides direction for your life. You must then generate your own internal momentum, and continue with the efforts.. which will take on more multidimensional qualities.

Many have pointed to the balance of things.. neither extreme quietude nor extreme indulgence. The unity of work/play.

There are those who have meditated themselves to death, they indulge in it like a heroin junkie. It is but another polarization, another step away from the tao.

Stillness in movement, movement in stillness.
Cultivation of the way is delightful beyond measure, and thus the boundaries are broken.
Their dissolution is arranged like stars in the sky.

Believe me I know where you are coming from. I do not think that you are becoming bored with life, it's just that you are starting to see through life's illusions. This is just an outcome of cultivation. The worst thing is that those around who do not cultivate will thnk you are being antisocial or as you put it... a total deadbeat. What are you really missing though? TV is just junk food for the mind. Sexual desire once fulfillled just leads to more desire (after sex I feel very unfulfilled spiritually). I don't drink anymore, and I actually find it very difficult to be around drunken people. It adversely affects me on some level that I don't fully understand nor can I explain. My diet and the foods I crave changed. I have even grown apart from old friends. It's not easy but I can feel that these are all healthy changes and for the best.

There's already been a lot of great advice offered here. I find taking solace is nature is good chicken soup for the soul. Also if you can meet like minded people to cultivate together, and discuss these things with it helps a lot.

As for these feelings being caused by you no longer masterbating.... that is an effect. Meditation/cultivation is the catalyst.

Brgds!

Some great observations all round. Thanks for sharing.

Cat, great comments!

James, keep going my friend, keep going. It is part of the process, part of letting go. Remember those feelings are not real, just a coloured lens that you are seeing the world through. What is, is. That we are sad today but were happy yesterday does not mean the world has substantially changed. It is just the way we are looking at it has changed. If you can just know that then it can help you even when you can't let go of those depressing feelings.

Victor Frankl wrote about man's search for meaning, the existential crisis. He also wrote that this often appears when people are bored. My own feelings are that we usually see the meaning in something after the event, so it is pretty difficult to find that meaning in advance. Therefore, I think more of finding some purpose to what I do.

How to know what to do? Well, on the simplest level, when I have a problem or an issue, I look for the solution that brings me a feeling of calm and peace within. Not excitement, though sometimes that is a good measure if it lasts, but calm. That does not mean the 'doing' is easy, but that the finding of the solution should just feel 'right'. You have to keep digging sometimes to find that solution, but it feeling 'right' is a good way to know you have found it.

Taking pleasure in nature is good advice.

'Why are you looking so happy?' (Had that question numerous times from numerous surprised people, when not in bulldog face mode).
'Because the sun is shining and the sky is blue'. And I meant it. Blue sky and sunshine has given me more happiness than any material things I have ever owned.

Best,

Mike

Don't forget to root yourself to the earth so you won't lose practicality. I have the same experience, and it's still happening. My way of thinking has shifted so my interests and priorities shifted as well. Although I must admit I am still lazy with my cultivation practice haha.

Awesome.

It's kind of disheartening to me to see that people are feeling this way, although I must admit it happened to me to an extent also. Hopefully I can add a little bit to tip things in a positive direction.

Basically what I see is this: Us humans have a individual and a relational aspect, could also be seen as an internal and external aspect. Mostly it seems that people are massively caught up in the relational or external aspect of life, frequently to the point that they don't even realize they're living, they are simply relating.

Meditation (at least certain kinds) can seriously alter one's balance in this regard, adding emphasis to the individual or internal aspect. This is a great counterbalancing measure, however the increased internal awareness might accidentally be mistaken for the end-all benefit, which (to me at least) is just not true.

The fact that you're feeling this way means you've been very successful in moving to a higher awareness, which is to be commended. Now my advice would be to study rhythm and relationship with your newfound awareness.

Involve yourself with a group or organization that has some structure, yet shares your philosophy to some extent. Could be anything you want, some examples might be tai chi groups, group music lessons, nature loving club, etc. Basically interacting brings you back into balance in the relational regard, which has (in my experience) the capacity for reintroducing meaning into life.

Consider the 4 Great Minds of Buddhism: Love, Compassion, Joy and Equanimity. Meditation is great for equanimity, and metta meditation can be a really great facilitator of love and compassion. Joy is something that needs to be nurtured, embraced, loved, and appreciated. If it is missing, there is still some imbalance.

Seriously you will feel better, these days cooking a good meal and sitting down to enjoy it mindfully is one of my greatest joys.

peace + love
Chris

Get on a regular training routine immediately. Stop obsessing about your peter pucker factor.

Don't you just love that feeling Thank you for sharing because I've been struggling with that feeling too, like many of us here. And it's been quite strong recently (on and off for years, depends on what I'm practicing)

One of my favourite meditations when I'm feeling down is Loving Kindness. If that sound too "nice" when you are down, the Buddhist monk that taught our class said "if you practice Loving Kindness meditation you will be immune to poison!" How is that for an ability! Sounded pretty cool to me

As for the not wanting to go out and usually just spending time by myself.......... can’t help there. Even things I really like doing (e.g kung fu class) can be difficult for me. I always have a great time but I usually think "I don't want to go" at least a few times during the day before class. I read once that humans are a social animal and like being in groups, but I'm not sure if I do.

Hey James! Keep the faith man

Whatever inspired you to practice knew full well what you are like when it inspired you in the first place, so despite how things seem right now you're OK.

Have you been reciting the Vajrasttava mantra that Santiago ('Hello' if you're reading this btw ) transmitted to you? It's a very powerful mantra that really bring outs the dirt. I remember being intoduced to this practice on retreat and people were crying and quite fragile. I felt completely shit and depressed. The teacher said that when you haven't had a shower for a few thousand years a lot of accumulated dirt comes out.

Like a normal shower let the dirt come out and wash down the plug hole so don't identify with these adventitious accumulations. Here's some suggestions to help the dirt continue on down the plug hole instead of drying on your skin (these can apply even if you haven't been practicing the mantra):

1) Cultivate joy that you've actually noticed and are clearing away the seeds of suffering for yourself and others.
2) Cultivate compassion and equanimity for all beings that are suffering from similar afflications as yourself.
3) Cultivate love and pray that just as you deal with your afflictions then so too may all similar afflictions in all beings be cleared.

Best,

Rex

I have learned So much from him as well. He is a 3rd generation disciple of Sri Ramana Maharishi and speaks in very easy to understand, practical terms.

Anyway.. back on topic

I share gladly dude. Part of me is glad that you are in a similar boat. To me it signifies progress.

Lol definitely agree that such a siddhi could be advantageous!! Free radicals? Hah Anthrax? Hah



Thank you Rex Yes, I have been practicing it - I certainly believe it to be the main cause of why I am feeling this way. Something struck me recently...

In this society we are surrounded by examples of what it means to be male, or what it means to be female. People buy into it simply because they go, "Oh, ok, I should be this way, I should do that." Don't get me wrong, I have known about this for years but there seems to be a great difference between intellectually knowing something and actually 'seeing' (for want of a better word) it.

I have not had any pleasant sexual gratification for over 18 months. And you know what? I don't care. Sex is something where I can honestly say that I can take it or leave it... won't bother me either way. Reflecting upon this it stands to reason that I felt alienated and unmotivated - for a while I even thought I may be gay - it's because I didn't fit in with the rest of my gender... at least, those in my social circles.

Well, I now no longer feel alienated and down - no where near as much anyhow. Why? Because I can accept myself for who I am that little bit more thanks to the insight I gained. And if I can accept myself a little more then I have a little more courage to be myself.

This makes me wonder... Does courage come from realising the (lack of) worth of external things?

Yeah, I totally agree that it's a powerful mantra. Amazingly so. Thank you for the recommendations, but my practice schedule is currently full and I'm happy wading through all my shit, turd by turd if need be, to get somewhere... might take a while, but hey, I'm still young in body. And if I'm feeling low thanks to all my karmic debt, then it's my own fault for being in this position in the first place. Compassion and love have been revealing themselves to me slowly. Joy is something I can happily wait for

Progress will come with time, and in time.

Yours humbly,
James

depressed, but never bored.

Hi James,

Finding oneself in a setting whose norms may be at odds with spiritual practice sure is a tough call! Gender roles and ideas on what it is to be a bloke hits a lot of people - and badly - judging by the disportionately high suicide rate of young males in the UK. Personally (Oh no! Not another set of taobums book recommendations ) I've found Robert Blys' Iron John and R.J Stewart's Celebrating the Male Mysteries helpful.

I suppose there are a number of sources of courage and it varies with individuals, predispositions, circumstances and belief systems. Some of my sources have come from the Tibetan Lojong and 'Turning Happiness and Suffering into Enlightenment' teachings whose value I've discovered by applying under difficult circumstances.

Love, compassion, joy and equanmity need not be specific practices to cram into an already full practice schedule. Sure, there are practices to develop these specifically but they can form part of an implicit philosophical orientation against which any practice is done. All practices in Tibetan Buddhism are performed in such a context


_/\_

Best,

Rex

Thank you, rex, for an exceedingly coherent response.

I may look those books up if the need for them lasts longer than it is wanted. A great part of me fears losing my usual social circle, for they have been such great friends over the years. I guess that only my true friends will stick around if it ever comes down to such. In some respect those around me define who I am at any given moment - personalities are never rigid. Again, it all comes down to having the courage to stand apart.

For someone who has been on this forum for so long, and posted so relatively little in all those years, I am honoured to be on the receiving end of your words.

Yours in admiration,
James