I quit smoking, about three weeks ago now, which has given me an amazing opportunity to witness and release a lot of stuck patterns within myself and in my relationships. I noticed specific patterns between myself and others that became so exaggerated and polarized at various stages of the physical, mental and emotional detoxification process that they just could no longer be ignored. For example, my tendency to hyperfocus on, and aggressively pursue various areas of study became so intense during the last few weeks, that there were nights I poured over books and tracked down Internet texts for uninterrupted blocks of 4-6 hours straight, furrowed brow, stern face, a tight fist inside my gut, Lezlie long asleep while I hunted and dissected philosophy concepts as if I was performing some pressing, intricate surgery that my life depended upon. It was creepy, I started to feel like that guy in the movie "Pi". I also found myself engaging in protracted and finicky arguments with people that got on my increasingly sensitive nerves. Some of you may have even been unfortunate enough to witness my recent tirade with Max on HT where I allowed myself to become so entranced I even suggested we meet and physically fight! Yet through all of this I've had many great little breakthroughts. One of them, a very simple realization, feels like like a little drop of light tingly blissfully in my abdomen, sometimes spreading downward into my whole lower tan tien, and upward, unfolding my heart gently. It's actually almost embarrassingly simple and obvious, but it never really clicked in my body, in my Being, before.

The seed of my realization is: I just want to be happy.

And as this little seed spreads it's tingle, it's cool warmth, I feel like it's touching and gently unravelling old stuck patterns in my mind and nervous system, and it's growing little branches that I think will become strong trunks that support other brances, that sprout leaves:

I'd rather be happy, than "right".
I'd rather be happy, than "overwhelmed".
I'd rather be happy, than "Christian, Taoist, Buddhist", etc., etc.
I'd rather be happy, than "understood".
I'd rather be happy, than "approved of".
I'd rather be happy, than sad that I am not as happy as I could be.
I'd rather be happy, than always miserably overplanning/overanticipating the future.

And also, the very important:

Everyone just wants to be happy.

This softens all judgement. Everyone just wants to be happy and are going about it the best way they know how, or the best way they have the courage to choose. "Evil", to me, is just a description for the densest form of ignorance in going about experiencing and sustaining happiness.

It's so elegantly simple. Even religion and mysticism and magick and psychology all just boil down to trying to find genuine, sustainable happiness, don't they?

The Buddha was surrounded by beautiful women and wine and he enjoyed his senses to their fill. And then one day he realized, this is no longer making me happy! There is something wrong here. This isn't real. My happiness is not built on a solid foundation. And so he went out to find true lasting happiness. That's what he was looking for.

It's that simple to me now. Moving and mixing chi around, counting days of retention, opening chakras, getting to the 10th level of the Buddhist video game, these are just, at best, highly sophisticated techniques for tasting and ultimating abiding in True Happiness. Happiness is the Fire in which I believe all techniques should be thrown, so only the Truth remains.

"I do not seek to follow in the footsteps of men of old: I seek the things they sought." -- Basho.

Still, fear arises of not being "right", fear arises of the raw, pregnant, empty, simplicity outside of overwhelmed workaholism, of what I am outside my labels that I am sure must keep me sane and "who I am", fear arises of being misunderstood, disapproved of, of letting go of my judgements, of letting go of the walls I erect to keep me safe from "others", etc. ad nauseum.

But I am nurturing this little seed of Light. It feels wonderful. So I thought I'd share.

I remember being a very young child, and having this habit of running around my parents house dancing and singing "Be Happy" over and over to them and any other friends and relatives that were over. I was such an incredibly happy child. Then I remember one time my Father came home from work and he looked very sad. He sat down on the couch and was just kind of staring at the floor. I sang to him "Daddy, BE HAPPY!" and he slowly turned and looked through me and said, "Sean, sometimes it's not that easy. When you get older you will understand". I remember having a clear perception then, that he was confused. That Daddy had just gotten a little lost and forgotten that it really is always just this simple. How did I ever forget?

Be Happy,
Sean.

Great post Sean.


Ah, the joys of being a kid! I often feel that that is what it is all about, just becoming that innocent, that uncaring again. Being able to lose your temper completely, and then be totally fine and happy 5 seconds later! (Then of course I see someone's kids running around being noisy and getting in the way, and I just want to strangle them ) At the root of it, we all just want to be happy. Finding what it is that makes us happy (and of course finding all those things that we thought did, but actually don't) is the harder part.


Slartibartfast: I'd far rather be happy be right
Arther Dent: And are you?
Slartibartfast: No, that's where it all goes wrong of course

I've noticed that there are some people that cannot handle pressure or painful situations (with the strive to conquer it quickly and grow from associated experience like some others have) and thats when the moment comes that they (even if for less than one second and passes) just give up and do not care and shut down all attachment to sit and try to get the mind/thought quiet and clear...and if in that moment was your choosing to pop in with a bright and cheery (and absolutely premeditated with only good intention) Be Happy! Someone loves you! kind of attitude (but please do not misunderstand that I am in this kind of attitude to my fill most times) that is when they are not able to suppress the associated reaction with emotion outbreaks because they are weakened by the lack of motivation and constitutional reason goes right out the window.

When I had a simliar encounter with my aunt at one very horrible moment in her life and I even gave her a most enthusiastic delivery to try and butter up for an answer to a request that I was hoping would be "Yes"...

And at the moment my wishes for her happiness were burst out she said:



All I could do was stare blankly and stupidly for a couple of seconds and haul ass on out of there. She was downright scary>!!!
Found something fun and enriching to do, though...
build a German import bike and got involved with comparitive religion...which sprouted so much more other fun (craziness)

Point being: Hope it didn't break your momentum, man. That'd be a shame...

Someone just brought to my attention that there is a bit of controversy about my article, in particular that it presents a selfish path. I was slightly concerned there would be this confusion when writing the article, but decided to keep my realization as simple and pure as it was occuring. But I'd like to clarify.

One of the core dilemmas I've struggled with for years is the concept of selfishness. In my mid to late teens I had somewhat of an existential crisis over a perception that: Everything that human beings do is to fulfill a personal desire. Selflessness is an illusion, I reasoned. No matter how lofty and convoluted your explanation to yourself for deciding upon a course of action is, and no matter how genuinely good the results of these actions turn out to be, ultimately (or so I imagined) everything humans do of their own volition is because they want something for themselves. I've carried this koan with me for so many years, and turned it over on so many angles, that I've worn it inside and out. It became self-evident on many levels. All of our deliberate actions spring from our desires, in an effort to satsify them. Putting money in the poor hat and thinking about Heaven. What it will feel like to be in God's presence for eternity. Opening the refrigerator to grab some food. How it will feel to taste food and have this hunger satiated. Ordering a new book on meditation. When I have more peace, I will be kinder to those around me. They will smile at me and accept me more and that will feel good.

Until recently I was very cynical about this perception. But a few things turned it around for me. One was some shifts in my metaphysics. Simply put, I've pondered a lot on how there is open, non-dual ground to Awareness and that this little desire-filled self I previously considered as the Primer Mover of human behavior, is actually just a transient identification with the body-as-Me. Which doesn't necessarily cause trouble (I guess) if it's perceived correctly as transient and empty. I think the trouble comes when, through this identification with body-as-Me, defensiveness arises, the fear of death arises, and an occlusion of the non-dual ground of Awareness begins to set in. Patterns of misidentification arise. The little self starts to act, to borrow from NLP terminology, in an as if frame, presupposing it is only this little mortal self, this scared body, alone in a fragmented evil world, out to fend for it's wants and needs. This isn't the Truth though, IMO.

But if, intellectually, I perceive this identification as not ultimately True, how do I begin to get out of this messy misidentification when, still, everything I decide to do is, at root, a self-centered pursuit? How do I begin to experience what all these mystics are talking about with Heaven and Enlightenment and Freedom when, if I am honest, I see that everything I take up is still coming from a core belief that little me is the center of the universe.

Well that's what this article was about actually. Through cultivation of skillful desire. So instead of just blindly running with the millions of desires pulsing through my body-mind, I make a habit of looking at them, of picking them up, sometimes one by one, sometimes in huge handfuls, and dropping them into the Fire of my ultimate desire for True Happiness (same as the Buddha), because True Happiness is just another word for Freedom, Enlightenment, Heaven, whatever description you need to go for It. The purification process that arises might be described (mundanely) like ... "What are you really after? Honestly. You seem to want to consume this plate of donuts. But plates of donuts come and go my friend. The jittery sugar high will soon fade. Is this really the level of abiding happiness you want to settle for?" ... "Sean, you appear to want to defend yourself right now. But who are you defending? Skin and bones and thoughts that appear from the chemicals in your brain? This body will die, remember that before put your faith in it's ability to make you happy." ... Hmmm ... the book Core Transformation is kind of a practical, secularized form of this "mystical" process.

So through this gradual purification of base, neurotic, pleasure-seeking coming from false presuppositions about the metaphysics of mySelf, the pure Bliss of True Happiness starts to grin inside of me. As my understanding of Who and What I Am expands, my compassion for others increases because no one is fundamentally "other". When I put money in the poor hat, the money is going to feed mySelf somewhere. When I eat a sandwich I am sustaining this little vehicle named Sean so that his destiny may be fulfilled. When I order a new book on meditation, I pray it will contain truths that fan the flames of my skillful desires, and burn away what occludes my perception of the Truth. Slowly apparent dualities are resolved.

Please don't get me wrong though, I can still be a depressed, anxious, melancholy, miserable bastard like the rest of 'em. I'm probably not happier than anyone else (probably less so or I wouldn't be so focused on it). I'm just sharing a delicate process I am going through that, when explained is as full of contradictions and paradoxes that all language is.

Cheers,
Sean.

One thing that has been slowly occuring to me lately is that you should be grateful for what you have. I think I have heard spiritual people(whatever that means) say this before. This weekend after coming home from a grappling tounrament I parked my car in my space and then had to basically hobble on one leg to my apartment because the other leg is in too much pain(feels a little better today).

When I walked up to my place, I was getting into a stressed out place and thinking how much it sucks that I may have to have surgery and can't train for awhile and just at that moment this cripple retarded guy walks by me.

Now, I have been in this apt complex going on 2 years and I have never seen this guy before. Now, just at my lowest, negative moment this cripple mentally handicapped(what is the PC word for that these days?) appears out of nowhere.

Here is a guy that can't use his body the way he wants to ever . He can't compete in sports(except Special Olympics of course which I think is great) ever. And I realize how selfish I am being that even though it does suck, I have more opportunities than probably many people. I have a good life and I have friends that care about me. I will probably be 100% better within a few weeks or month tops while this guy is going to be a cripple with mental retardation for the rest of his life.

At that moment that you become grateful for what you have you also realize compassion. the gratefulness itself I think raises a certain quality of the mind that then sees yes, other being suffer, in fact they suffer much, much worse than you do.

It only makes sense then to be grateful and express that by somehow helping other people. Not being selfish.

But sometimes it takes an injury or other negative incident to really open your eyes to that.

and even when your eyes have been open to that it can become very easy to forget that sense of gratefullness and fall back into self centered complacency.

Of course alot of people don't give a shit about this and that's fine in a way. As i was driving home from work this guy, maybe in his early 30's, screamend at this old lady who is driving in front of him and making a turn .This lady looked like she was like 75 and this young guy was like " Move you stupid old bitch!!"

The thing is that old lady might be you in 50 years(not as a lady of course) then how are you going to feel when some young person tells you to to move and disrespects you like that? Can you imagine this lady probably had lived through WW2 and the Great Depression and she is driving down the street to go to the grocery store and this punk is cursing at her.

And this is in Arizona where most people are very polite I can't even imagine living in NY or LA these days it must be shit like that all day long!

So, my personal view..happy is good, but aware you share this country and planet with other people and can temper your own selfish needs(like getting to your job, grocery store, friends house whatever, a little faster or bitching out an old woman) is probably good for your hapiness long term.

Nice post Cam. And the last bit is a belief I share strongly as well. That we cannot sustain true happiness in this life if our actions are motivated only to serve this physical body at the expense of others.

I went to an 9 hour meditation intensive this weekend with an amazing teacher just hanging out in nirvakalpa samadhi. One of the ideas that floated up in my mind within the silence had to do with what Winn talks about when he says that alchemical cultivation is as important as dissolving into emptiness because if you just shoot straight for emptiness you may return to the source "empty handed" (as he says) and just get spit back our into the life stream since the deeper work you were meant to do was not completed. The thought I had was how this is really strikingly similar to the concept of the bodhisattva path, of vowing to never dissolve into emptiness completely until the (alchemical) Great Work of all sentient beings realizing Enlightenment (True Happiness / Freedom from Suffering) within Form is complete. It's really about resolving the duality of seeing this world as a mistake and heaven as the solution. This world is here for a reason, and in my opinion it's to one day blend Heaven and Earth into something unimaginably fucking cool. Or maybe to realize that this is already happening in each moment and we are just too busy playing games in our head to notice.

Sean.

Yeah..I think in one of his last posts I read he said the primary reason we incarnate here in the first place is to get laid

Of course, there is something to that, this is after all a world filled with desire and that is what makes the world go around for many people then you meet a spiritual type person who apparently is operating on some higher mission.

I like the Taoist approach because it seems to be balancing all these apparent contradictions. Desire and desirelenssness. Form emptiness. All the so called dualities back to oneness but still maintaining some integrity with the different parts.

I havent gotten into anything very deeply but at the moment the Tao seems to make the most sense.

Well that's what's funny about being The Absolute One is that you can't get a joke if you already know the punchline. You can't experience all of the richness of being human either, surprises, making love, giving to someone else ... That's why I believe this creation exists and is also not separate from God. It's God experiencing creation and sometimes even seeming to get lost and scared but it doesn't matter because nothing True can be hurt or killed.

The way I look at it is very simple. Desire is not really my problem. It's actually a big part of the "solution". It's unskillful desire that gets me in trouble. When I have a shitty week and I want to just get drunk on Friday night. That is, relatively, an unskillful desire. Because it disperses my chi and leads to a worse situation. But why I do want to get drunk? Because I am stressed and more importantly, not happy. So the best thing IMO is to gently teach all of your little worldly desires to desire nothing less than the Highest Ideal. There is a great article by Yogani that I just read recently that talks about this better than I can: Bhakti – The science of devotion.

Maybe my chosen Ideal of Happines is flawed somehow. Like I think if someone chose Money I would be very skeptical how that could play out as an absolute Ideal. But I think if you asked that person, "If you had the experience of having infinte resources of money in the world, what do you want through having this money that is even more important?" (from this amazing book btw), they would find a deeper desire, closer to their core. And if you kept asking questions like that, on what you want more by having what, what you want even more by have that, etc., eventually you touch something wordless and that is your Bhakti. I think the word "Happiness" is the closest word I've found to cleanly and simply describe my Ideal.



For me the ideal of True Happiness is my higher mission. It might seem shallow in that it's "what everyone wants", and it's true in a sense, I do believe that in everyone's heart's there is a seed of just wanting to be happy. But are they devoted to it? Or are they held back by fear, anger, spiritual guilt, etc.? I know I am. Anyone who meets me, or even just from knowing me online, will probably notice a consistent thread of sadness running through my experience. So maybe this is why Happiness is such an appealing Ideal for me. Maybe if you have more of an angry, aggressive temperament the word Peace would be more appealing, etc.

On another level though, the reason why I called this article "the simplest realization" is because, in a way, it's near self-evident. We are in human bodies which cannot help but seek pleasure and avoid pain. There is nothing we can do to avoid that. The best we can do is create an approach to the seeking of pleasure and the avoidance of pain that we believe works for us and hopefully for other's as well. But it's hard because even the building of this approach is subject to the fact that our bodies will continue to avoid pain and seek pleasure. Which is why every single religion and mystical system makes appeals to human pleasure(heaven, enlightenment, bliss, Tao, etc.) and pain (hell, samsara, blockages, stuck chi, evil, etc.). In my opinion, I am just being brutally honest about what attracts me as a regular person to merge with God. I find this is a more realistic, grounded, and less arrogant approach than pretending that I am already in transcendence of my humanity and engaged in some deep, selfless quest for the sole purpose of saving others. Further, I think that if anyone on this or any other quest really believed that their mission would lead to an endless, increasingly painful hell without reward, they would not be engaged in it. But I'd like to meet the person that would take up something like this anyway and shake their hand vigorously. Even Jesus had faith in his Father and the knowledge that he would return to be seated with Him when enduring his dark night and trials.

Sean.

This is absolutely completely positively utterly 100% perfect. Don't discuss it, don't apologise for it, don't even think about it. Especially don't think about it. Thinking is your past unhappiness speaking.

And it's not selfish neither. You can't make other people happy. Just make yourself happy and your idea of self will gradually expand to include more and more, previously "outside". Can't force it.

Other people? They gotta do it for themselves. Sooner or later they just get to a point where suffering isn't enjoyable any more. Like it sounds you have, kinda. You can't accelerate this for them, especially if you're trying to.

Be happy. Be in your body. Use your mind lightly. I'm happy for you.
M

Thank you Munch. Your post touched me.

Sean.

Very little to add. I just wanted to bring this thread up to the top of list for the benefit of anyone who's joined in the interim, as I still think it's one of the best things on the site.

I really dont experience or believe that everyone just wants to be happy.I wish people were at that level of emotional well being. There are many many more basic needs than that which have to be met by the vast majority of people. Keeping afloat on an ego level is enough of an attainment for most people, ie avoiding ego fragmentation and being overwhelmed on an ego level.

Being happy is very high up on the scale of attainments.

Doing things to fulfill a personal desire is also very high up on the evolutionary scale. Actions that come about by unconscious drives and reflex defense mechanism are infintely more common than anything so luxurious as chosen by pure desire.

Most people do what they must, in order to stay cobbled together. Defences, fictions, avoidances, you name it, it's all employed on a daily basis by the vast majority of people, just to keep the demons at bay.

Feeling as good as reasonably possible, then.

I love you, Yoda!

I don't experience it, but I do believe it !!

I think people just aren't very conscious about how happy it is possible to be. So I think when people are just chasing desires and causing trouble, they are trying to be happy, but just don't know how.

True, but to split hairs... the trouble is that people, myself included, often prioritize happiness as being 5th or 6th priority or something... the second you make it a secondary goal it gets lost in the shuffle.

And as the life force dissipates, it gets hard to get back on the trail again.

But that's just the game we are playing in this realm and the whole process is a strengthening one even if we do get lost here and there and need a fresh body to get back to the signal.

Hey they give a course in being Happier at Harvard

http://www.comedycentral.com/motherload/in...?ml_video=91293

http://www.amazon.com/Happier-Learn-Secret...9728&sr=8-1

Really good article! Ive enjoyed reading everyones ideas on happiness!

Kill out your comfort for the desire for happiness! The more you ask for happiness the more you will suffer. Happy is in the here and now! It is not a desired result but a way of life! Being happy is an attitude, being happy is an art. An art we need to perfect through giving up trying to be and just being! Don't try and it will come! Happiness is in the eternal...

Trees, birds, plants, animals are all happy it is only man who creates his unhappiness by thinking that he is unhappy and trying ever so hard to be happy! Thats why we suffer, stop trying so hard!

Bit of trivial info here but about 4 years ago i was part of the public speaking group at school. We had to pick a topic that we wanted to talk about for a competition we were entering. We decided to pick the topic of happiness and why it is so important for everyone to feel it. Now most of the other schools chose topics such as politics, religion etc etc and to begin with when we pitched our idea we got laughed at because it was so simple. WELL in the end we actually won. Im not trying to big up the fact that we won but i think the ideas and arguments we put forward as to why it was so important for human beings to be happy really struck a cord with the panel and the audience. The energy in the room picked up and u could see that everyone could relate to the topic! EVERYONE JUST WANTS TO BE HAPPY!

I liked this.

I'm there with you.

Happy to me equates with peace. Because there are all those other states of being that I used to equate with being happy when I was younger, like euporia, elation, a rush of adrenaline, romantic crushes, or drug highs

...

now I know that was more about neurochemistry than anything : )


Now for me happy = I am alive and I am living life consciously. Emotions do their thing, but happiness = some space inside me carved out by 10 years of Buddhist meditation practice - which I wouldn't have to even do if I was a tree instead of a human.

xo J.

Hello!

Thanks for this.

I am a n00b but loved this thread and wanted to write/reply.

I love what happens when people realise that other people want to be happy.

As a result I am relieved that I do not have to explain myself to them anymore nor defend my position. Ok, sometimes I still have to ;-) but mostly it's just a word issue.

Then what sometimes happens is that the person realising this will find compassion towards the other (sometimes not). Both ways have happened to me. Sometimes I forget which way they\I went ;-)

I have met some wonderful friends who have helped me to realise that being happy involves giving things and time and effort to other people more than it involves receiving things and time and effort from people. Or maybe it is just a shortcut!

I like the idea of trying things that go this way for a short time. If results are conclusive, then I keep the thing I tried, if not, then 'bin it' and go back to the old way.

Started with trying 'not complaining' for a week. It's *expletetive* hard. Now, I don't think I could do otherwise. But I still do, but know when I complain, I have to ask, what is this for?

K

Nice, however you omitted the other side of the happiness equation: Don't Worry.

I remember feeling the same way too as a child. So many crotchity old folks, worn down, sad, frustrated, angry.

I remember thinking 'that will never be me'.

Then, voila! One day it was, and I was their king!


Now I too have found it, and yet I have to continue practicing every day.

Non-judgemental.

Compassionate.

Content with 'what is'.

Happy for 'no reason'.

David

Marvellous, great stuff! Sean, that is a great article. Thank you very much for sharing-and everyone else. This IS a special forum.

I do believe we all have our 'stuff' we have to do and go through. Part of the learning, part of the path. Sometimes we have to experience the unhappiness, know both sides of the coin. If everything is 'one' then you can't separate, can you?

What is happiness? For me, what David said here. Compassion, non-judgement, contentment, happy for no reason other than just 'being'. I suppose in one word, peace.

Thank you for writing about happiness. I believe that it is our option each and every moment to choose happiness above the other emotions. It is such an important personal practice, to be aware of when you fall out of the happy state and to make that change. To me this is one of the core teachings of Taoism. It implies letting go of all the garbage and not staying attached to anger, jealousy, hatred, fear, suspicion, etc. It implies even more the ability to see the dual nature of the universe and to always be able to find the proverbial silver lining. So many profound implications are inherent in this awareness.

Very cool.

Wuji108